catsittingstill (
catsittingstill) wrote2023-04-01 03:58 pm
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Difficult Choices
I live in rural Tennessee. It's very pretty and green, and there are lakes nearby, and some very nice people, but we are mostly here because my husband's job is here and jobs like it are not thick on the ground.
One of the problems is the Christianity of the area.
They just assume everyone is Christian, and they just walk in and take things over. Any potluck becomes an opportunity to parade their piety in front of each other by praying. And every time it happens I have two seconds to make up my mind. Am I going be true to myself, and supportive of any other closet non Christian who may be attending, by refusing to participate and then live with whatever fallout comes my way for having been revealed as an unbeliever? (And for "making unpleasantness" because you know perfectly well people are going to blame me for objecting rather than Christians for dragging their religion into a secular event in order to be admired for their piety.) Or am I going to knuckle under and stay in the closet, because it's not like I can move away any time soon?
I find that I resent being forced to make this choice over and over and over. So far I have always knuckled under and then felt bad about it. But I hate it. To the point where I'm thinking about just not attending potlucks any more.
One of the problems is the Christianity of the area.
They just assume everyone is Christian, and they just walk in and take things over. Any potluck becomes an opportunity to parade their piety in front of each other by praying. And every time it happens I have two seconds to make up my mind. Am I going be true to myself, and supportive of any other closet non Christian who may be attending, by refusing to participate and then live with whatever fallout comes my way for having been revealed as an unbeliever? (And for "making unpleasantness" because you know perfectly well people are going to blame me for objecting rather than Christians for dragging their religion into a secular event in order to be admired for their piety.) Or am I going to knuckle under and stay in the closet, because it's not like I can move away any time soon?
I find that I resent being forced to make this choice over and over and over. So far I have always knuckled under and then felt bad about it. But I hate it. To the point where I'm thinking about just not attending potlucks any more.
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I will admit I have sometimes thought - if not even quietly muttered - a b'racha. Which at least is being true to myself.
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But it still felt horrible to not speak up.
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But yeah, a friend from KY/TN said that "What church do you go to?" was a common greeting question. Something I'm not sure I have ever been asked in my life in more liberal-urban USA. (Occasionally "what religion are you?" but not even that for a long time.)
Now I'm wondering what would cause more trouble: showing up as a known atheist or showing up in an N95 mask.
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After the first couple of times that someone asked, surprised, "you're not praying?" and I responded with a smile and a polite "no" with no further explanation, they stopped asking. I get some side eye looks occasionally, but being firm about my boundaries seems to stop people from crossing the social boundaries of pestering me about it. Do you think that would help in your situation?
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I will say, the places I've been, nobody has made trouble about me wearing a KF94 mask. And since neither the clinic nor the League of Women Voters can afford to lose my volunteer hours, I'd be damn surprised if anybody did.
Thoughts
Just remember how Jesus felt about the Pharisees ostentatiously performing religion rather than believing or doing good deeds. Let's say, some folks are going to get a very rude awakening when they cross over.
>>To the point where I'm thinking about just not attending potlucks any more.<<
That's probably a good idea.
I have largely quit doing social events because society's appalling behavior has exceeded my tolerance. I've never been a good match for this world, but it is getting rapidly worse. I can't make people stop being assholes, but to the extent that I can choose to avoid them while they are being assholes, I am increasingly inclined to avoid them.
Oh, and potlucks? My county's fuckwad racist "health board" banned homemade food at events. Only professionally catered food is allowed now. So that was the end of my interest. This was after a previous case of killing off our powwow by only allowing restaurant based food at it. >_< They can be assholes, I can stay home, and my money can stay in my pocket.
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(The translation I learned as a child in Catholic school actually had "closet" in place of "room.")
The problem with not attending potlucks anymore is that just provides more evidence for Christians that they don't need to worry about anyone else's feelings because the only people around here are Christians.
I'm sorry your health board are cooperating with racists and helping work toward public spaces being only for those with money. That sucks.
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I am currently working on a rewrite of A Soulin to try to make it less exclusionary to the people who are not religious or not Christian (and also less gendered). One of the things that occurred to me is that in lines like "If you haven't got a ha'penny then God bless you" it would work fine for people to choose between "God" "Gods" and "Good" without ruining the feel or flow of the line even if they were all singing together.
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Is also one of the reason I left, not to mention other reasons, which I believe you are aware of.
I'm sorry, that sucks, and I feel/hear you here.
-T~