![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Back from Portland
Aug. 26th, 2005 09:42 pmMy mother's memorial service was in Portland Oregon, on the 18th of August. Kip and I flew out on the 11th, figuring to help Dad clean Mom's stuff out of the house as much as possible in a week (we had to leave the 19th because Kip had to be back at work).
I got Mom's clothes sorted, saved out stuff that I or Dad could use, and made a list of everything else before we took it to Goodwill. Mom wasn't a clothes horse by any means, but it still took me three days. I couldn't do it for more than a few hours at a time; it was remarkably heavy work, considering it was just clothing. I got Mom's coats sorted out of the coat closet and her wool stuff (mostly very old camping gear) sorted out of the storage bins. Kip and I got the books sorted out, and Dad, Jake, Kip and I took what we could use and we took the rest to Powell's Used Books and the remainder to Goodwill. And that was about all I got done, aside from shopping and (with Kip's help) cooking dinner for everyone every night.
We scattered Mom's ashes (with permission) on the glider field where she learned to soar. We had Mom's memorial service (and I successfully got cherries for the reception--they were almost out of season but not quite, and cherries were Mom's favorites). I succeded in not bawling during the memorial, which would have made Dad more uncomfortable than he already was. There were about thirty people there, almost all Dad's colleagues. I think more of Mom's friends from gliding would have come, except that Dad was absolutely adamant that we not call anybody to tell them about it. He put a notice in the paper for three days and figured anybody who wanted to know would see that. I think he was worried that if we called people to let them know about the service, they would think we were hinting that they should come.
Anyway, I figured Dad was the one who needed comfort the most, and if that was how he wanted to handle things, I would respect his wishes. But if any of my Portland friends are reading this and were wondering why I didn't call, that's why.
I did have one "day off," which I spent gaming with Kip and Jake. The gaming was fun but would have been even more so if I could ever once have gotten enough sleep. But this visit wasn't about me, it was about family, and particularly about Dad. I was trying to cram months of family responsiblities into a single week. I wish I could have done more.
I got Mom's clothes sorted, saved out stuff that I or Dad could use, and made a list of everything else before we took it to Goodwill. Mom wasn't a clothes horse by any means, but it still took me three days. I couldn't do it for more than a few hours at a time; it was remarkably heavy work, considering it was just clothing. I got Mom's coats sorted out of the coat closet and her wool stuff (mostly very old camping gear) sorted out of the storage bins. Kip and I got the books sorted out, and Dad, Jake, Kip and I took what we could use and we took the rest to Powell's Used Books and the remainder to Goodwill. And that was about all I got done, aside from shopping and (with Kip's help) cooking dinner for everyone every night.
We scattered Mom's ashes (with permission) on the glider field where she learned to soar. We had Mom's memorial service (and I successfully got cherries for the reception--they were almost out of season but not quite, and cherries were Mom's favorites). I succeded in not bawling during the memorial, which would have made Dad more uncomfortable than he already was. There were about thirty people there, almost all Dad's colleagues. I think more of Mom's friends from gliding would have come, except that Dad was absolutely adamant that we not call anybody to tell them about it. He put a notice in the paper for three days and figured anybody who wanted to know would see that. I think he was worried that if we called people to let them know about the service, they would think we were hinting that they should come.
Anyway, I figured Dad was the one who needed comfort the most, and if that was how he wanted to handle things, I would respect his wishes. But if any of my Portland friends are reading this and were wondering why I didn't call, that's why.
I did have one "day off," which I spent gaming with Kip and Jake. The gaming was fun but would have been even more so if I could ever once have gotten enough sleep. But this visit wasn't about me, it was about family, and particularly about Dad. I was trying to cram months of family responsiblities into a single week. I wish I could have done more.
