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Still alive
Oct. 5th, 2003 10:29 pmI'm still alive. I've just been busy--but not with anything that sounds interesting to write about :-). Catching up on housework, paying bills, that kind of thing.
I have my second lesson tomorrow. I'm kind of nervous about it. I've been practicing every day, frequently two or three times a day, but I'm nowhere near as fast or accurate on St. Anne's Reel as I'd like to be. And I'm pretty sure I won't be able to play it as well for someone else as I can alone in the Brownie's office. Will Roy think I don't practice? Well, he can hardly think that--at my first lesson I couldn't even stumble through the whole thing. Will he think I'm no good? Well, what am I taking lessons for, if not to *get* good?
Kip points out that maybe I'm too anxious about this. Am I going to let this guy I barely know define my self worth? What if he *does* think I'm a talentless grunt, or a lazy bum--why should I care? He's getting paid to teach me and be civil about it--if he can't do that, I can always find someone who can.
But how does one judge one's own talent, or lack? If you can't get some kind of reference off others, where do you get it? Your own wildest dreams of glory? Your own darkest doubts and fears? (Look, I know I'm a good songwriter--I'm not trolling for complements here. This is just a combination of general anxiety about musical performance and philosophical question.)
I have my second lesson tomorrow. I'm kind of nervous about it. I've been practicing every day, frequently two or three times a day, but I'm nowhere near as fast or accurate on St. Anne's Reel as I'd like to be. And I'm pretty sure I won't be able to play it as well for someone else as I can alone in the Brownie's office. Will Roy think I don't practice? Well, he can hardly think that--at my first lesson I couldn't even stumble through the whole thing. Will he think I'm no good? Well, what am I taking lessons for, if not to *get* good?
Kip points out that maybe I'm too anxious about this. Am I going to let this guy I barely know define my self worth? What if he *does* think I'm a talentless grunt, or a lazy bum--why should I care? He's getting paid to teach me and be civil about it--if he can't do that, I can always find someone who can.
But how does one judge one's own talent, or lack? If you can't get some kind of reference off others, where do you get it? Your own wildest dreams of glory? Your own darkest doubts and fears? (Look, I know I'm a good songwriter--I'm not trolling for complements here. This is just a combination of general anxiety about musical performance and philosophical question.)
