A thought

[catsittingstill]

When someone never mentions a particular group without in the same breath bashing one or more members of that group, it gives (me and possibly other people) the impression the speaker is prejudiced against that group--an impression that simply asserting that one is not does little to dispel.

It has recently occurred to me that this, at least in the long term since I was already trying to do better, might apply to me too.

I like to think I am not prejudiced.  But minds are deep and only the top layers are visible.  If I am prejudiced, that is a part of myself I do not wish to feed.  If I am not prejudiced, that is an impression I do not wish to give.  And if there might be a prejudiced person reading this (which I suspect is pretty unlikely, but it's the principle of the thing) I don't wish to give them the impression that I support their prejudice.

I have been trying for some time to express my ideas in a positive way--because they can be good without other choices being automatically bad ones, and because people bashing my ideas and my group has certainly done nothing to change my mind.  I think I have been doing better, which is probably not the same as I have been perfect.  Perhaps I could do better yet.

So that was my difficult thought for the week.

Have you had any difficult thoughts you want to talk about?

Comments

[bigbumble]

I long ago realized that I am prejudiced(about al lot of different things) at a nearly instinctual level. That realization helps a great deal, because it allows me to deal with myself internally to be sure I behave in a civilized manner.

And afterwords my intelligent part gets to chuckle at my prejudiced part.

[pbristow]

Yes, this! =:o}

This is a hard lesson for people to learn and accept, but we all need to. A whole raft of tense situations get so much easier to resolve once you have learned it... and the corollary, of course: Just 'cos you've discovered and cracked your prejudice in one area, doesn't mean you aren't still unwittingly prejudiced about something else. Or even about a different aspect of what, at first, seems to be the same thing.

[catsittingstill]

Yes, exactly.

It's probably not possible to not be prejudiced but if you know where you have a problem you can try to compensate.

[philkmills]

I know that I do have prejudices. For example, if I met someone who told me that he or she was a member of the Westboro Baptist church, I would assume that the person was as close to evil as I can imagine...until proven otherwise. I don't see that as a failing as much as a time-saving shortcut. It also doesn't bother me that such an attitude is an impediment to finding common ground or changing their mind about anything since I can't think of what I might do to achieve that anyway.

My own difficult thought these days comes from having someone tell me on Monday morning that I was getting lazy and complacent about musical performance. It's at least superficially true. I explain it to myself as a function of using limited time to concentrate on what I love (writing songs) as opposed to what I find a mildly painful necessity (singing them). I don't know whether that's laziness or an acceptance of reality. On the other hand, if people are turned off to them when listening, what's the point....

I'm currently struggling with the question: To what degree is failing to live up to other people's expectations something that requires fixing? My knee-jerk response is "not at all" but my liking for the community and desire to be a true part of it tells me that's the wrong answer.

[catsittingstill]

Well what I've heard suggests that people are still enjoying your performing, and filk doesn't set the bar terribly high for such things.

On the other hand, if you're in the same boat I'm in, *you* are the studio musician for your recordings, so you need to decide if your skills are sharp enough to present your music in a way that satisfies you.

I'm still working on that.

[pbristow]

My difficult thought this week is... "Maybe I really am just not trying hard enough". =:o\

"I've been down this road before and it didn't work, so I'm not going to waste my time and energy trying it again" can be a pretty good method of self-sabotage. I need to look more carefully at what "this road" really is, and whether it really does inevitably lead to the same dead end as last time.

(Sorry for being cryptic, but it's workplace related.)

[catsittingstill]

I agree with you about giving up sometimes being a form of self-sabotage. It's like that saying "God grant me the serenity to accept what I cannot change, the courage to change what I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." Who among us wouldn't like some more of item three?

[batyatoon]

Ohhhh I know that tune. *wince*

My difficult thought for this week was very closely related, and has to do with overcoming resentment at said (perceived) waste of time and energy.

[gingicat]

It's a show, not tell, sort of thing; you can't expect people to understand the inside of your head if you're not demonstrating how you use it.

I struggle with this exact same view of my internal prejudices all of the time. I will think more on this when I'm not at work.

[catsittingstill]

Sometimes you don't want to demonstrate the inside of your head to people. We all have bits we tend to in private, so to speak.

And sometimes the mirror you thought you were holding up to society actually reveals that you sat on something you shouldn't have.