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catsittingstillI believe in human freedom.
In the tension between who we want to be and the molds society tries to press us into, I tend to come down on the side of the individual. This comes out in various ways. I am a feminist. I stand against slavery--including forced birth, which I consider the most intimate, invasive form of slavery. I stand against coercion of religion. I believe everyone has the right to change or not change his or (more often her) name.
In the tension between who we want to be and the molds society tries to press us into, I tend to come down on the side of the individual. This comes out in various ways. I am a feminist. I stand against slavery--including forced birth, which I consider the most intimate, invasive form of slavery. I stand against coercion of religion. I believe everyone has the right to change or not change his or (more often her) name.
And I believe everyone has the right to change his or her gender.
When we are babies, a lot of things that should be an individual's choice get decided by others--hopefully people doing their best to look after our best interests, but still, not *us*. It has to be this way, at least for now--the idea of, for example, nameless babies who pick their own names when they can talk is not something our society is really set up to handle, and perhaps it will always be this way (though you'd be amazed how different other societies can be about things like this.) Gender gets chosen for us too, usually on the basis of our bodies, though sometimes bodies can take some unexpected forms and then it really is up to the people around us to choose. We are socialized to accept a name, a gender, a role, and we're likely to stick to that as we grow; sometimes it never occurs to us to even question it.
But some people aren't happy with these assignments. When I was an infant I was assigned a name: Catherine. When I was a small child the people around me shortened it to Cathy. Neither of these was my choice. When I reached high school my baby name began to chafe. It seemed to me it didn't fit anymore. I wanted my name to be Cat. But with all good will, the people around me could not remember to use my new name.
When I went away to college, as I was moving into the dorms, someone asked me what my name was. And I felt this rush of power, of potential. I could be anyone; whatever I told him, that was my name. I looked him in the eye and I said firmly "My name is Cat." And that has been my name from that day to this. (Eventually I even got my family trained; that took a decade, but it did work out.) Because I have the right to my name.
My name is a social construct. It's not defined by the Universe--it is defined by my will and my interactions with the people around me. When I married, I did not change my name. You can make your own choices, but I associate that with pets--and more darkly, with slaves. Pets don't care; slavery is wrong; I am neither, so I have my own name, and I continue to use it. Someone who tries to tell me what my name should be is, at the very best, kindest, interpretation, meddling in something that is not their business. From there it goes straight downhill into trying to hold power over me; trying to oppress and define me against my will.
My gender is also a social construct. It was not defined by the Universe (believe me, gravity does not care in the *slightest* what your gender is)--and while it was chosen for me based on my body type, in its function it is defined by my will and my interactions with the people around me. It should not even matter the vast majority of the time (though that is a separate issue for another day.) I'm comfortable in the gender I was assigned and have no plans of changing. But someone who tries to tell me what my gender should be is, at the very best, kindest, interpretation, meddling in something that is not their business. From there it goes straight downhill into trying to hold power over me; trying to oppress and define me against my will.
So absolutely I support someone's right to define her gender. It's a freedom as basic and as important as the right to define your name.
When we are babies, a lot of things that should be an individual's choice get decided by others--hopefully people doing their best to look after our best interests, but still, not *us*. It has to be this way, at least for now--the idea of, for example, nameless babies who pick their own names when they can talk is not something our society is really set up to handle, and perhaps it will always be this way (though you'd be amazed how different other societies can be about things like this.) Gender gets chosen for us too, usually on the basis of our bodies, though sometimes bodies can take some unexpected forms and then it really is up to the people around us to choose. We are socialized to accept a name, a gender, a role, and we're likely to stick to that as we grow; sometimes it never occurs to us to even question it.
But some people aren't happy with these assignments. When I was an infant I was assigned a name: Catherine. When I was a small child the people around me shortened it to Cathy. Neither of these was my choice. When I reached high school my baby name began to chafe. It seemed to me it didn't fit anymore. I wanted my name to be Cat. But with all good will, the people around me could not remember to use my new name.
When I went away to college, as I was moving into the dorms, someone asked me what my name was. And I felt this rush of power, of potential. I could be anyone; whatever I told him, that was my name. I looked him in the eye and I said firmly "My name is Cat." And that has been my name from that day to this. (Eventually I even got my family trained; that took a decade, but it did work out.) Because I have the right to my name.
My name is a social construct. It's not defined by the Universe--it is defined by my will and my interactions with the people around me. When I married, I did not change my name. You can make your own choices, but I associate that with pets--and more darkly, with slaves. Pets don't care; slavery is wrong; I am neither, so I have my own name, and I continue to use it. Someone who tries to tell me what my name should be is, at the very best, kindest, interpretation, meddling in something that is not their business. From there it goes straight downhill into trying to hold power over me; trying to oppress and define me against my will.
My gender is also a social construct. It was not defined by the Universe (believe me, gravity does not care in the *slightest* what your gender is)--and while it was chosen for me based on my body type, in its function it is defined by my will and my interactions with the people around me. It should not even matter the vast majority of the time (though that is a separate issue for another day.) I'm comfortable in the gender I was assigned and have no plans of changing. But someone who tries to tell me what my gender should be is, at the very best, kindest, interpretation, meddling in something that is not their business. From there it goes straight downhill into trying to hold power over me; trying to oppress and define me against my will.
So absolutely I support someone's right to define her gender. It's a freedom as basic and as important as the right to define your name.
no subject
Date: 2013-08-25 10:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-08-26 12:16 am (UTC)Yes there are processes where biology matters. But for the vast majority of our interactions, we're not engaged in those processes. Indeed, we would not be welcome to bring these processes *into* most of our social interactions.
So really, it just seems like good sense to say all that other stuff--who wears skirts, or mows the lawn or knits a sweater or makes a stool or who leads the waltz--that's just an agreement between people that we can and should renegotiate when it is making someone unhappy.
no subject
Date: 2013-08-25 11:50 pm (UTC)On the one hand, I hear what you're saying, when you draw the parallel between names and genders. But - your second to last sentence implies that you only support the right of females to define their gender. I'm assuming that your phrasing is simply an oversight rather than a true measure of what you believe.
I'm very much an egalitarian, and don't believe in different standards based on gender - barring a very few specific jobs. Defining one's gender is not one of those exceptions.
no subject
Date: 2013-08-26 12:19 am (UTC)But absolutely I mean anyone of any gender may define their gender. As I said, for example, at the "turn" that begins my main thesis.
no subject
Date: 2013-09-05 10:53 pm (UTC)“If we can remember that "he" can mean either gender, we can certainly do the same thing for "she"...”
Until there is general agreement on this, or even agreement among a small group of people, this usage will inevitably cause (imho) more confusion than equality. Think of the real inequalities caused by the homonymy of masculine and epicene "he".
no subject
Date: 2013-09-05 11:33 pm (UTC)I do not think the confusion is inevitable. Having had it explained even once, it will be obvious to you the next time you see it in one of my posts.
And the confusion serves a purpose too. When people ask, and have it explained to them, that is a chance for them to raise their consciousness on this issue--to say "hey--using "she" to mean "person" doesn't feel right and yet it's the exact same thing as using "he" to mean "person" with the exact same drawbacks. I never saw those drawbacks before, but now I do.
no subject
Date: 2013-09-06 05:40 am (UTC)Good points. I don't think I'll change my own habit of epicene "they", but now I understand your reasons and appreciate them.
no subject
Date: 2013-09-05 10:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-09-06 01:17 am (UTC)