(no subject)

[catsittingstill]

Many thanks to everyone for your messages of support. I don't know if I will be able to answer them all, but they are all appreciated.

Kip and I will be flying out to Portland for the memorial service, and staying about a week to help Dad clean Mom's stuff out of the house, then driving Mom's car back home, since Dad doesn't want two cars. It will be good to see my dad and my brother again.

I am gradually getting a little better. I was supposed to still have vacation for a while, but the boss asked me to come back to work early, as Nature did not accept our paper and he wants help revising it for submission to another journal. I've been going in for about four hours a day or so--I don't feel like pushing myself and nobody at work seems to feel like pushing me.

People have been very nice. I don't know how many people have said "call me if there's anything I can do." Of course, I'm not sure how many of those people I'm going to have to call before I find someone who can take us to the airport at 4:00am :-7

I keep having these odd impulses. I'd be making a lot of expensive purchases right now because I don't feel like denying myself anything, except that I have no follow-through. I see something cool, think "Oh maybe I want that" and then a breath later "it's not worth the bother" or "it won't make anything better." I've been reading a lot of books, because reading takes me out of myself and lets me forget for a while. And renting kid's movies, like "The Aristocats" and "Lady and the Tramp"--because I know nothing bad will happen in them.

Comments

[pondside.livejournal.com]

Understandable feelings.

That 7 stages thing is waaay more applicable than comfort would have it.

Keep breathing, focus on the family and friends you have to love and support you and know that you have many friends who will do whatever they can to help you.

hugses

[figmo.livejournal.com]

Odd impulses in the wake of the death of a parent are normal.

Renting movies with happy endings is a sane thing to do. Reading is, too.

Whatever you do, remember to take time to cry. It sounds silly and obvious, but you'll be in situations soon enough where crying will be inappropriate, or you'll think, "I should be over this by now. Why do I want to cry?"

Don't ask yourself "why." Just find a place to go and be alone and let it out as needed. These impulses can come weeks, months, and even years after the death. It still freaks me out at times to see what sets off my waterworks (and I'm one of those folks who rarely gets teary in public).

[tnatj.livejournal.com]

Cat, I hope this little thing I just wrote helps.

Wake

Sometimes life fails. An so, hold the memory
Of the dead: It can be with friends, or not; ceremony
Or not. But hold, softly or strong enough to carry.
Weep, or embrace loves: it is right for all to tarry.

Sometimes actions fail. If you are a thousand mile
From the dead, you still are next to her all the while
You think of her. Recall that you aren't alone: so is it
For us all. In our days, too, we kept a candle lit.

Sometimes words fail. If so, sing the threnody
For the dead: It can have words or not, or melody
Or not. But sing, softly or let your voice ring
As you may. Remember, or disremember; but sing.

[trektone.livejournal.com]

Belated condolences to you. I missed the other post.

From my recent experience, most of the people who are offering assistance would really go out of their way, or at least make the attempt if you ask. I've found asking to be strange, as if I was calling in an obscure favor or something.

For me, "extreme" shopping would be atypical, too, except for food. Hmm, so I guess I've gotten some bottles of single malt Scotch, which is new to me. Anyway ... I haven't been able focus on fiction reading much, unless it's a re-read, so I'm glad you can enjoy immersing yourself in books.

Take care of yourself.

[barbara-the-w.livejournal.com]

About a month after my dad died, I found that sitting down with a pile of pictures really helped. I had a good cry, and a lot of memories I'd forgotten I had came to the surface.

BJ

[filkergem.livejournal.com]

I missed your earlier post, as well. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers now, though. Losing a parent is never an easy thing. It does sound like you are reacting in normal and appropriate ways, even if some feel unexpected.

[folkmew.livejournal.com]

My belated condolences as well. When my father died I played solitaire endlessly. I also found that I couldn't even read (as I recall) and wanted to just watch amusing but fairly mindless TV like Third Rock from the Sun. It's normal. Just take care of yourself.

Hugs.

[braider.livejournal.com]

*hug*

[vixyish.livejournal.com]

*hug*

[orawnzva.livejournal.com]

Ouch. As others have said, *hug*. Be kind to yourself, and seek the company (real or virtual) of friends with whom you can share your memories.

[branna.livejournal.com]

Belated condolences, also. We only met very briefly once, but...as someone else who has lost a mother, I remember how hard that time was.
It's always different for each person, but the reactions you're describing sounds very familiar indeed.